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Shattered glass – burnout or just broken?

Twice now, in the space of less than a month, I have had a glass “accidently” broken at my feet by a waiter. Like, right at my feet! And both occasions I had nothing to do with the reason the glass broke. And both occasions it looked like neither did the waiter! Like it just – happened. Once in a crowd, and once when I was the ONLY other person in the room.

This felt like more than a coincidence, the second reminding me of the first and prompting me to think “Again!” – WHY?? It led me to wonder about ‘coincidenses’ – are there really any? Was this a sign post? A message from the Universe that was slowly getting a little louder, a little more ‘in my face’ so that I would take notice? If so, what did it mean? I had to investigate. So I did the only thing one can do at times like this – I consulted google.

But before I tell you what I found, I should probably tell you a little about the conversations that I was having with myself and the Universe in the months leading up to the broken glass.

You see, I have been feeling a little wrestless in my life lately. Like there was more I was meant to be doing. As though I was being drawn to dream a little differently to the dreams I have had up till now.

This dishevelled me, made me uncomfortable. Why? I am a deeply loyal person, I have a great sense of doing the right thing and not wanting to let people down. I am driven by a strong set of values and principles, and I also had some big dreams for the work I was already doing. I felt like I was cheating on those dreams and those people at merely the thought of “dreaming a little differently” for me.

Along with this I was becoming cranky with my sector, as the majority seemed to move into directions that were out of alignment to the values and philosophies that my not for profit aspired and operated under. I was becoming increasingly disillusioned by the governments philosophical rhetoric that was at odds with the implementation of their own policies.

But I am a loyal person, and I believe strongly in the work that we were doing, and the vision we held for making a difference, and serving our community. I could see the pathway ahead for us, and it was illuminating and beautiful and possible.

Yet…the pull….it was there.

So back to google and broken glass. What did this all mean? On my ‘investigation’ it seems that broken glass has many different meanings. The ones that first came up in my search were that it meant the breaking of old making way for the forming of new. It talks of “shattering” – in that when something is shattered it has come apart into pieces that can be put together in any new form, that the shattering into pieces lets you see all the parts that make up the whole .

Hmmmm. Interesting. So I dug some more.

It also takes on the meaning of changing relationships; the fragility of relationships. It talks of the care we take not to break glass, and that when it is broken by accident it is met with “its okay, its only glass” – we spend a lot of time protecting it from breaking, yet, its only glass. It has been aligned with the shattering of misconceptions that we must do only that which everyone agrees.

Oh deep! So what did this all mean for me. How did I interpret these ‘coincidences’?

I am a bit of a believer in sign posts and I do tune into them whenever I can. I believe we can choose our interpretation. This particular sign post I have chosen to mean a shattering of some of my deep held beliefs that no longer serve me; that there is space for things to be shattered and re-formed so as to work together differently, I don’t have to choose between them. That it is okay not to do that which it seems everyone else agrees is the way it should be done.

And with that I welcome 2016…..